Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
