i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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