Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You are the jesus of drinking
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
