Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
