it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
