I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
