if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
