I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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