I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
