when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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