After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
