Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
