No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
