he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Oh god it's open bar.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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