The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
