sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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