wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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