I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
