I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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