dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
