the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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