Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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