only you would photoshop your dick
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
