Best friends brother. Beat that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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