he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
