a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
