when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
