I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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