May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
