Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
