and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
