im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
