U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
