You smell like a Billy Joel song
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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