fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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