The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
