this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
