I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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