I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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