And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just threw up on my dentist
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
