Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
