And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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