just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
