My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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