Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Actions speak louder than pants.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
