i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
