let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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