i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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