my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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