i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
